a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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