filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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