Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
organizing the empties. That sober.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
