official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
