I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
