do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
