Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
