So drunk its hurt
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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