Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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