Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
