And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
