Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
