So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
