ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
