I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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