And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
