i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
