yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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