Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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