im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
