I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
barbara walters just said penis...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
