Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize