its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
