Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
