i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We are all done wearing pants today
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
