Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
he had hair everywhere except his balls
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
