how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She bit a glass in half.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
