Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
