ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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