I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
