Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
