Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
