for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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