girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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