Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
