I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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