i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize