yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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