Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
