why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
