We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
