we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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