It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
