Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
