i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
