i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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