Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
