hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
