i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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