Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize