Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
