i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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