My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Randomize
