i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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