dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm having to shit out rocks
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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