i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
