ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
