Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
