You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
