if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize