just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
