I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
