You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I can't turn off my feet"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
