Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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