Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
