My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
