I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
