I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
