so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
