Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Well I just put wine in my tea
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
