I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
