Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
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