Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
