Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
