i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
