The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
