Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
