you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you win again, gameday.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
