On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
