I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
