Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
