Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
