She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
