Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
