What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
