I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
