I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Randomize
